Just Some Thoughts...

I've been reflecting a lot about motherhood and how our lives have changed and I thought I'd jot down a couple of my thoughts on how the last almost two months have been. I have been overwhelmed with how natural motherhood is and yet, how much it changes how you view everything. My life seems so much more complete and happy now, but scarier. I worry about things I never considered before, like the flight we are taking next week, the cars driving around us on the Interstate, how to keep Sami safe, if I am doing everything I can do to be a good Mom, etc. All my prior worries seem so vain now, so inconsequential. I don't worry about my make-up, my hair or the latest fashion. I don't remember the last time I put on more than a dab of blush and lip gloss, considered my outfit for more than a brief second (that time including - "what is best for nursing"), wore jewelry or even touched my once prized shoes. Life is simplier and more complicated all at the same time. But, instantly on December 22nd I went from being Dana to being Mom - a job I have cherished more than words can express. Something that means more to me than all the shoes, jewelry or "me" time. And while I am reminded of how blessed my life is now whenever I look at her, there are moments that esp. take my breathe away. For example, I am a huge advocate of co-sleeping and while I realize some people's fears surrounding this issue, it seems as natural as breast feeding to me. The other night Samantha was sleeping nuzzled into the crook of my left arm, to the left of her was our dog Sadie and then Keith who had his hand draped over all of us, and resting over my hand. I woke up early that morning to this picture and the soft sighs of contentment from my daughter. Right then I lifted up a prayer of thanks to God. Yes, sometimes motherhood is hard - she might cry for no reason, spit up on your clothes, and you might always smell like rotten milk ;) - but one smile or baby hand resting on your chest during a nap and that it's -- you are smitten.